The Problem With Asking Me Questions Is That I Answer Them

Q: How long does it take to write a book?
A: That depends on how good you make it.

Q: What's the hardest thing about catching an editor's eye?
A: Getting someone to throw it to you.

Q: How can I stop people from stealing my ideas?
A: Don't worry, nobody wants them. Ideas are the easy part. You can do that in a day. Writing takes months. Maybe years. There are no new ideas.

Q: Where do you get your ideas from?
A: I steal them. Got a book for me to edit?

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Did your mother have any children that lived?
A: Nope. Did yours?

Q: Why don't senators use bookmarks?
A: They just bend over the page.

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: They don't have any attachments.

Q: How much do you have to pay to get published?
A: Time for me to stop joking. Please, please, please don't pay to get published. Readers pay publishers and publishers pay authors. Don't believe anyone who tells you different.

Q: What's the worst part about seeing five lawyers in Cadillac go over a cliff?
A: A Cadillac seats six.

Q: Why can't a pony sing?
A: Because it's a little horse.

Q: What do you call an author without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?
A: Because he wanted to get a long little doggie.

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.

Q: How many years do you have to write before you can quit your "day job"?
A: 42.

Q: Who's your agent?
A: Huh?

Q: Who's your publicist?
A: Huh?

Q: Who's your editor?
A: Huh?

Q: What's the difference between an editor and God?
A: God doesn't think he's an editor.

Q: What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G spot?
A: A man will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Q: What does a Ziploc bag have in common with a walrus?
A: They're both looking for a tight seal.

Q: What's does it mean when they fly the U.S. flag at half mast at the post office?
A: They're hiring.

Q: What's the difference between a PhD in English and a large pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Why did you start writing?
A: Why not?

Q: Where can I learn more about your writing?
A: http://www.editormichael.com/?page_id=463 but you'll hate yourself in the morning.

Michael LaRocca has edited over 300 published novels and textbooks since 1990, along with thousands of white papers and other shorter works. Learn how he can help you at http://www.michaeledits.com/