Importance of Watching a Fantastic Cat Video

Watching an awesome cat video will certainly provide you with much excitement and you can also share these videos with your friends and relatives.

Whether you prefer other types of animals other than cat or not, now is your best chance to get hold of the best videos about the following: talking cats, dramatic cats, surprised cats, and morning cats.

You will certainly enjoy all types of funny activities and you'll be thrilled once you get to look at these insane film segments. Hence, it is significant that you get the finest and funniest cat videos that are being marketed online.

True enough, cats are really awesome creatures, and this is mainly why a lot of property owners want to have a pet cat around. Aside from this, the awesome cats can also perform several techniques that will really cause you to have an excellent laugh.

Hence, if you think that you are alone and quite lonely, it would really be best for you to find an interesting cat movie. Watching the best and craziest cat movie films will certainly allow you to experience a lot of fun and joy.

Several funny cat videos are being offered online, so all you have to do is to select the best website that can provide a new version of insane cat movie sections. Another essential factor that you have to consider about this organization is that it can provide the best cat movie films and also post these products on the web for your benefit.

In reality, even dog fans still want to look at several insane cat movie sections due to the point that these creatures with nine lives can do several maneuvers that are really funny. Dealing with the daily pressures can really be difficult, and this is the purpose why you have to find the right videos that you can use to reduce the stressed out feelings.

Of course, you can always find a lot of funny cat videos online, and some of these videos are cost-free but if you really want the best selection of videos of funny cats, then it would be best for you to shop at this web store.

A number of crazy cat movie sections as well as crazy dog and kitten movie sections are always here if you follow this link and these videos will make certain that you do not get tired with your day to day tasks.

It would really be excellent for you to take note of these products daily so you can appreciate every moment with these insane cat movie films. For those who select these products, you can even have these movie sections viewed at FunnyCatVideos.TV during a special party.

Entertainment comes from family watching together.

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A Detailed Look At The Design And Features Of African Ceremonial Masks

For centuries, the tribal people of sub-Saharan and Western Africa have designed and worn distinctive facial masks for ritual and ceremonial purposes. Unlike common perceptions in the West, Africa is not a monolithic area with a singular cultural tradition. There are very many language groups dotted throughout the continent and each has developed their own ceremonial mask designs. There are however some common aspects found across the continent.

Studies have shown that the abstract art that was a major feature of the twentieth century Europe drew heavily from designs and patterns found on African ritual masks. Works of art by iconic artists like Pablo Picasso and Andre Derain have profound influences borrowed from Africa. While these designs and abstract art is admired in museums, this was not how they were originally meant. Each mask was designed with regard to deep magical beliefs and practices.

Each one of the masks was never meant to be worn on its own. Each one was always part of a ceremonial costume that could only be donned by medicine men and other principal figures of African traditional societies. The costumes represented the communities' conception of the spirits of the ancestors and the people believed they had powers to control good and evil forces.

Moreover, an African mask is impotent unless when it is won as part of the dances and traditional rituals it was made for. This is when the wearer is possessed of the spirit that inspired the design and carving. A good number of them are carved from wood but are embellished with a number of animal features such as hairs and feathers to represent the community's natural ties to the earth and its abundance.

African tribal artists seldom ever try to reproduce the actual representation of the people or objects they are depicting. As such, their creations are more representative of some abstract qualities such as beauty, nobility, courage and even humor. Their works have idealistic expressions, with features they want to emphasize on made to be larger than life and the rest much more subdued.

When it comes to traditional African tribal masks, one thing you can be certain of getting is variety. They come in all shapes from oval, circular to heart shaped. They also combine human features with those of animals in a way that is nothing short of ingenious. The carvings and embellishments bring out a sense of virility, strength and mysticism.

You can get details about different types of African tribal masks and more information about a private museum at http://www.multiactionel-f.com right now.

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How to Find the Best Funny Cat Videos

It is a fact that cats are extremely delightful creatures, and this is the primary purpose why a lot of homeowners want to have a pet cat. Aside from this, the amazing kittens can also execute several maneuvers that will really cause you to have a good laugh.

Therefore, if you think that you're alone, it is recommended that you find the most suitable funny cat film. Watch funny cat videos and you will certainly feel great.

These items are being offered online, so all you have to do is to choose the finest site that can provide an updated version funny cat videos. The best thing about this company is that it can provide the finest cat videos and also post these items for your enjoyment.

Additionally, even dog lovers still want to look at several crazy cat movie clips because they experience great joy because of these creatures with 9 lives. Dealing with the daily stressors can really be difficult, and this is the main reason why you have to find the right videos that you can use to lighten up your mood.

Certainly, one can always discover a lot of crazy cat movie clips on the internet, and some of these movie clips are cost-free but if you really want the best collection of movie clips of crazy kitties, then it would be best for you to turn to this web shop. Many insane cat film segments as well as insane dog film segments are always here to make sure that you do not get tired with your day to day actions.

It is recommended that you watch these items daily so you can enjoy every minute of these funny cat videos. For people who are looking for a nice way to offer the best of everything for their guests, you can even have these movie clips viewed by your guests during a special party. It is important for you to make sure that the crowd is always lively; nothing is more essential than to provide a lackluster environment for your viewers, then now is your probability to make sure that you provide the most hilarious film segments for your buddies.

All the Funny Cat Videos that are being offered by this store is incredibly hilarious, starting from cat videos and dog videos. The insane roundup between different cat varieties is definitely something that should be noticed.

It seems like these cat clips are actually referring to talking cats, discussing and saying words that are inaudible. You may also refer at www.funnycatvideos.tv for more hilarious kitten films.

Entertainment comes from family watching together.

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Social Media and the Fashion Industry

Before Social Media came it was so hard to sell things. A person like me for or any other young fresh fashion designer, for whom it was so difficult to make PR, promote their work or Sell things to the customers & users. Digital Marketing in Pakistan has also been on the rise and Fashion Industry (specifically formal and informal lawn brands) is fast accepting this unique phenomenon. A young Fashion Entrepreneur need to set up a website which cost him more than 50 thousand Pak Rupee or can open a retail outlet which would cost him more than 500,000 Pak Rupee. The choice is simple; selling online is much easier and less risky as compared to opening up a retail outlet.

For all these small players; social media has been a blessing. Social Media like Facebook Twitter and Pinterest are now the most favored platforms for small & medium fashion players to promote and sell their stuff all over the world.

Facebook has particularly made it simple for small businesses to sell. With its 1 billion users, it has been a great place to find new customer and attract attention of consumers. It is also easy to retain customers and built a list for prospect customers. Now with latest Facebook store front apps, the fashion brands and small players are not even making websites and continued on selling their stuff on their Facebook page. These applications would book orders automatically and collect payment via PayPal.

The list of these companies is huge and to name a few; Rocxial, Storefrontsocial, Ecwid and Payvment have good services that these small players can use and grow their social sales network. The storefront gives users more easy way to surf products with full description and prices. Also fans can even checkout with the product without even having the need of going to the website. Everything takes place within the Facebook page.

Hence, small fashion designers can now find customers, book orders and get payments without the need of a website and a retail outlet. This is how social media is revolutionizing commerce and the fledgling f-commerce is going to pick up pace and bring rapid change.

As far as countries like Pakistan is concerned, the summer season is ON and all the established brands like Kayseria, Khaadi and Gul Ahmed, or newly launched premium brands like Sana Safinaz or Asim Jofa, or relatively smaller designer names like Ranga Rung, Rang Ja, The Working Woman, Mariam Aziz and Echo all can be found actively on Facebook. As per my calculations, one in every ten recommendations/sponsored stories or ads I see, are related to a clothing brand.

With the help of Social Media even now the Brand like Nishat Fashions or Ideas by Gul Ahmed now sell these things online to their customers outside Pakistan. With the help of Social Media it's now easy to communicate with your customers & clients.

Keeping these stats and trends in mind, one can evidently conclude that digital and eventually mobile marketing has an immense potential for the Fashion Industry. If the growth trends continue to move in the same direction and at a similar pace, there should certainly be no stopping social media marketing from making brands re-allocate their budgets from traditional to online mediums.

Adam John is a social media expert who writes frequently on
Facebook Store and
Facebook Shop. He holds an MBA from LUMS and is also currently a visiting lecturer in a few universities.

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Funny Cat Videos - A Good Way To Brighten Your Mood

When you are looking for entertainment, you do not have to look far because all you have to do is visit the web and you can look for funny cat videos. You will really find it funny and you will definitely laugh hard. People may have the perception that cats just stay in one corner and do nothing. So when you watch cat videos you will be amazed of what they can do.

People who have watched funny cat videos find them worth sharing that is why you can find videos posted in different social Medias. When you search online, there are many sites who features funny cat videos because they are highly being searched by people who would like to have great fun.

Once you have discovered funny kitten videos, from that page you will surely find links which will bring you to other cat video pages. You will have an endless list of videos to watch, you will enjoy all of them. If you are looking for a specific trick cats can do, you just have to specify in your search like cats jumping or some other tricks. This will be great videos to watch before going to sleep or you can do this on a lazy weekend.

If you start watching a video, surely you will search for another one to view, and another and another, which is how addicting it can be. Sharing a coffee or a snack with friends and watch these videos will be so much fun. You will appreciate cats even more because you will discover their intelligence and mishaps lovable. You will be entertained; you will not be wasting your time. That is why, search for one funny cat video to find out for you.

If you have a cat pet, you can make funny Kitten Films so you have to have your camera ready. When you have your camera ready, it will be easy for you to capture acts you think can give laughter. They should be shared so in a way you have made others laugh and that is pretty neat. They are really entertaining that is why it will be good to try and compile some funny kittens.

If you happen to discover some of these, share them, or you may just follow this link your friends will surely love them. You can imagine them laughing and having fun. This will be a welcome treat for your friends. It will be nice to watch these videos during your free time.

Laughter has many benefits so we should laugh all the more, health would be one. Are you interested in these kind of videos? You may onsider referring in this link www.funnycatvideos.tv.

Entertainment comes from family watching together.

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Interactive Fiction Books: The Novel of the Future Is Here

The novel of the future arrived around thirty years ago but was widely unavailable until just recently.

If you've ever wondered what it would be like to become the main character in your favorite genre of fiction books - not just someone you read about but someone you can truly become- then interactive fiction books are for you. New worlds and new dimensions of possibilities are waiting for you to unfold their mysteries. These new planes of fiction books remove your limitations of just reading about characters in a story. You enter a world of words where you participate far beyond turning a page to see what happens next.

Imagine launching an interactive fiction eBook. A brief introduction informs you of who you are and where you are in relation to the story. When you're done reading you are transported to that place where anything is possible and everything is worth a try; a fictional universe with which you can interact.

Say you find yourself a luxurious resort in Aruba. You can choose to take a walk around one of the swimming pools, take a swim in one of them, step out, towel off then head into the lobby for a frosty tropical drink to push back the relentless heat of the bright Caribbean sun. In my upcoming work The Barista you could ASK BARTENDER ABOUT DRINKS or just order the bartender to give you a drink. If you're craving a Cuban cigar or a cigarette you could ASK BARTENDER ABOUT SMOKES. When you're done passing time at the bar you can rove the rest of the resort, book an excursion by the front desk or stumble upon an international cabal in a private cabana near the beach. Before you're discovered you should try and HIDE BEHIND THE FRIDGE. Everything IN CAPS indicates the different commands you can issue to any of my interactive fiction books which will then do its best to carry out your every order.

Interactive fiction is related to conventional fiction books (either eBooks or traditional fiction books) in just two ways: both communicate with you through the written word and both are fiction. But that's where the similarity ends. The experience of reading a book or watching a TV show is passive. Interactive fiction is never passive
.
The plot in interactive fiction books is unlike anything else you've ever experienced. That's because you don't just watch or read about someone doing something. You make it happen. The novel isn't waiting for you to turn pages; it evolves in response to your every move and decision. The plot expands in response to every step you take.

Interactive fiction books are made possible through technology. Pick-your--own ending books are the closest approximation to interactive fiction books but such a comparison would be like comparing a row boat to an aircraft carrier. Reading a pick-your-own-path leaves you very little in the way of choice or decision whereas any work of interactive fiction gives you a full range of motions, actions and decisions at every turn.

Characters other than your own can also walk around through interactive fiction books. Very often they have their own agendas and intentions sometimes in line with yours or in direct opposition to what you're setting out to achieve in the novel. These characters can walk and talk on their own whether you're around or not and depending upon the twists and turns the story takes, you may never meet these fictional people at all

Items you'll stumble across as you make your sojourn through the story can manipulated by your character if you so direct. Do you want to examine a key piece of evidence for clues? Simply type EXAMINE THE LETTER OPENER. Do you want to ask someone about something important? Equally simple - ASK JACK ABOUT THE BEANSTALK.

See for yourself why interactive fiction books are regarded as the next dimension fiction.

Howard Sherman is the founder of Malinche Entertainment the world's only publisher of Interactive Fiction Books and Malinche's own resident Implementor of Interactive Fiction.

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Entertaining Yourself With Funny Cat Videos

These days, the internet can present us with many types of entertainment. And watching funny cat videos is one of the best entertainments that we can find on the internet. You will definitely enjoy watching these kitten videos and laugh at your heart' content. You will also notice a number of people who have the tendency to watch one particular funny cat video for over a dozen times. Many of us recognize cats as tame animals that do nothing but only lie inside the house the whole day. This is the reason why many people feel amazed to witness these cats functioning, and aside from that, they are performing what we can consider as the strangest actions ever.

There are a lot of kitten videos that have made quite an impression to many people that these videos were watched by thousands of people, and this usually tends to sharing of videos on the well known social media websites and are considered to be a hot topic. Given that there are lots of popular websites on the internet today that can present you with these hilarious videos, you will definitely find it easy to locate the funny cat films you would like to see.

Another great thing about watching these cat films is for the fact that it can also give you the links of other funny videos where the main stars are these adorable cats. And because of these links, you can simply check out other available funny films recommended to you. In addition to that, you also have the option of focusing your search on a specific cat action you want to check out. Just make sure, you have plenty of time that you can spend on watching these funny cat movies as this can be addicting as well.

There are some individuals that are not happy to simply watch one or just two funny cat videos. For this reason, make sure that plenty of time is allotted in watching these cat videos. These funny cat videos can be shared with your children and even your colleagues. You will definitely appreciate cats because of these videos along with their intelligence and their different mishaps every now and then.

If you or your children has a pet cat at home, preparing your video camera all the time is suggested. Cats may do some funny tricks all of a sudden so having your video camera ready at all times to document these tricks will surely help and you too, can share your home made funny cat videos to other cat lovers. You may also click here for more hilarious cat videos.

Entertainment comes from family watching together.

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One-Of-A-Kind Little Ones Get Together Tips Pertaining to Remarkable Activities

Usually, birthday celebrations with regard to young kids usually involve several hours associated with winning contests, eating and vocal skills "Happy Special birthday. inches With regard to mom and dad whom are searching for in excess of simply the most common, here I will discuss a few one of a kind ideas with regard to youngsters' parties that birthday celebrants is sure to Remember:

Halloween costume gathering: There is a cause kids enjoy Hollow’s eve, and besides for your no cost chocolate -- it is because that holiday presents these people to be able to obtain innovative in addition to dress up since a common personas. Whether or not people established a style or not, allowing kids in order to perform dress-up guarantees the whole day associated with entertaining.

Place celebrity gathering: These are playing dress-up, why not offer your kid to be able to stand out in addition to knowledge daily inside living in their preferred take celebrity? Saving their very own solitary (or a full album), receiving glommed way up in addition to posing for your "Fun kids" is sure to help to make almost any baby feel like the celebrity within this really wedding ceremony. This type of gathering can end up being kept with regard to grownups too! Offering the take celebrity therapy may result in among the best birthday parties or even hens' parties that celebrants will probably knowledge.

Disco gathering: Certainly, what exactly is gathering without a bit of moving? Youngsters usually consume a great deal of sugary snacks at parties, in addition to moving may well be among the best approaches to target the glucose high that can ensue. Kids' disco parties, gathering planners talk about, may also be great for more mature kids whom might not be enthusiastic about classic games similar to audio seats or green the trail within the donkey.

Puppy or zoo gathering: This sort of gathering is the most suitable for the baby whom really likes dogs. It is possible to sometimes question guests to create along his or her house animals for the entertaining day associated with games, web host the gathering for a zoo, or seek the services of the cell petting zoo to create unusual dogs for a preferred gathering venue. Make certain that pet handlers are offered, however, as a multitude associated with shed furred guests can potentially wreak mayhem on an in any other case entertaining get together.

1st birthdays tend to be the most significant functions in a very children's living. Here is the 1 day within an whole 12 months whereby they may be the celebrity of the family, and thus, precisely how today will be famous will probably depart the long lasting impression besides within the celebrant but altogether family. It is possible to web host a fairly easy gathering or combine several of the styles advised above (a take celebrity in addition to disco gathering a single, possibly?), but the most important thing will be to make note of precisely what the birthday celebrant actually wishes: daily in order to think liked in addition to beloved from the persons he / she prices by far the most.

Create your current birthday a truly unique a single insurance agencies taking that approach that you desire, look for assist from Place Idol Celebrations that are professional within offering you a unique principle that will actually help to make your current get together entertaining in addition to impressive.

Kid’s directory of Party Venue Durban, Activities For Children, baby furniture, games and more - Fun Kids

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Entertainment in the Form of Funny Cat Videos on the Internet

Since there are so many things and information that are being spread on the internet, people somehow think that video sharing of interesting cat videos are a sort of comic relief especially when people are stressed out with work. There are people who are fond of cats who share the videos with their loved ones while even people who don't have a particular appreciation for the furry creatures enjoy watching the videos because they are universally adorable and appealing. You can't deny that men and women are growing fond of these funny cat videos and they take a few minutes to watch the videos even when they are at work or before going to bed at night just so that they can relax.

You might be bored at home and after watching one really funny cat video, you proceed to watching another one and then another one until you have already watched 10 videos in a row because they are adorable. You don't have to watch an entire video when you are bored because there are tons of other videos on cats that can be found all over the internet and in various websites. It has become a hobby for a lot of people online to share funny cat videos with their friends because it's one way of showing what you like and the things that you are passionate about.

The good thing about browsing these videos is that you don't have to watch a specific video over and over again because you have so many selections and it seems that there is a universal fondness for cats. It takes so many people that post videos of these funny cats and kittens online for this video phenomenon to go viral and people seemed to have jumped on the bandwagon. For the fanatics, you don't have to settle for common videos because there are websites that feature hundreds of cat videos that you might be interested in and make sure you browse with siblings or friends so that you will enjoy the experience.

There are people who love to watch funny cat videos while there are people who are not fond of them yet they are still fascinated when they watch the videos of cats. You have plenty of choices which means that it's best to find the videos that are really funny and not offensive so that you will not hurt the feelings of anyone including cat lovers and activists.

Remember to refrain from watching the videos all the time because you will not be able to do anything else. Funny cat videos bring a sort of temporary cheer to us and we should savor that moment within the day. If you're looking for kitten films you may refer at www.funnycatvideos.tv.

Entertainment comes from family watching together.

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Why jokes are funny to some people and not others

"A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar... "You have heard this joke put in place a thousand times." Before the joke reaches its punch line that you're smiling and the guy next to you are whining. "Knock, knock? '' Unless the teller of the joke is a student of third year with a lisp you know that this mystery will end with a thud. Of course if you are the proud grandmother, this will be the only ever heard the funniest joke and slip the future actor a little money.

Then why people respond differently to the jokes? How a joke that leads a person to snort and spit and whiz virtually on the floor, not even make someone else smile of crack? Uh, sorry for the reference of the crack.

What makes us laugh?

The success of a joke is between the speaker and the receiver. A giggle is reached when one of the following conditions resonates with our feelings personal and beliefs:

Shared perspective. Stereotypes, aging of organs, from nightmares, etc.An exaggeration of a person, place or thing. Mother-in-Laws, waiting at the doctor, bodily functions (boys like these jokes).A slice of life observance that captures a moment or a bit of truth, so do us feel in communion with our own idiocy. Passing through security at the airport with a Swiss army knife (or more than 3 ounces of fluid) in your hand baggage. Oops.

The Science of laughter

There is a real science behind a good joke and laugh. Long before we learn to speak, we laugh. This is part of the universal human vocabulary. Robert r. Provine, Ph.d., Professor of psychology and Neuroscience at the University of Maryland, found that laughter provides a new approach for mechanisms and the evolution of social behaviour, perception and speech production.

Dr. Provine also observed that the speaker laughs generally as the receiver, and that laughter was more frequent in the so-called "in-groupness", strongly suggesting that laughter has an important social role. A middle-aged man speaking to a group of men of similar age about erectile dysfunction hits a home run but lays an egg to a MOM and me nursery. Go figure.

Laughter is contagious!

Laughter is contagious, too. In 1962, an outbreak of laughter contagious broke in Tanganyika. What began as a crisis of laughter among a group of 12 to 18 - year-old schoolgirls rapidly increased in epidemic proportions. Contagious laughter spreads from one person to another, possibly infecting neighboring communities. The epidemic was so severe that it required the closure of schools for six months. Think about a time you were in a group, someone says a joke and the laughter escalated to a roar that could not be stopped.

The "value of the funny bone' a joke is a Computable measure. Many professional actors filming their sets of comedy to subsequently assess individual success or failure, of jokes. There is a computer program designed by Steve Roye actor who measures the number and duration of laughter for every minute of the show. Your teacher is right; know basic math will be always serious.

A good joke, well designed and executed, is only as good as the speaker and the audience who receives it. This probably explains why I stopped telling toc-toc jokes in the third year. Who goes there?

Stephanie Dell is a comedian who writes a blog that is unfair and unbalanced on the experiences of social life and why a dog and a beer are essential for a happier life. Visit his blog at http://www.dogandabeer.com/

Fire Breathing Dragon Melts Dentures

I got a new hire this morning. A lady said she would pay me well to negotiate the release of her beautiful daughter from the fire breathing dragon, up at the dragon's cave overlooking the pits. I explained to her that the only way to do that is to offer Mr. Dragon something he would like better than her daughter. We need leverage, I told her. "What you got for Mr. Dragon?"

She opened a little plastic box and told me to look inside. I looked. Dentures. Yea, I said, what else you got of interest.

"Wait a minute," she said. "These are the dragon's dentures. I slipped them into my purse when I was talking to him about my daughter a few days ago. He must be missing them by now."

I took off my wire rimmed eye glasses and rubbed my eyes.

"It depends on how bad he wants these," I told her. "If he wants them more than he wants your daughter I can spring her."

"I'll give you a blank check."

I don't pass judgment. I look at the bottom line. All else is for the philosophers.

"Done deal."

I put on my fire proof armor and mounted my trusty steed. The saddle was loose, but I thought it would be OK. A few hours later I was at the foot of the dragon's cave and peering down the dimly lit hall that sparkled with candle light and reflections of gold and silver artifacts and many ornate works of precious stones. Nice crib, I thought as I entered the hall. A short while later I stood in audience before the fire breathing dragon.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Timmy. What brings you to my humble abode? "

"Pleased to meet you, Timmy. I am officer Baleen. I am here on official business."

"I paid that leaf burning fine. I have a receipt."

He pushed his hideous paw towards me. I took the receipt.

"Looks good but there is one thing. Its not stamped by the clerk."

"No? I gave it to him. He took it into his office and told me to wait in the lobby. His secretary brought to back and said, 'You're good to go.' So I went. Am I going to have to go all the way back to town and pay again? I got connections, ya know."

"There is something else you can do for me. It is about the fair damsel you have tied to a stake in your torture chamber. Some important people would like her released... "

"I got to warn you," said the dragon. "She doesn't do windows. And you can't feed the beansprouts she bakes to the dog because she watches under the table. She dances pretty good, though."

"You like soft foods? Like beansprouts?"

"Yes, ever since I lost my dentures. I would have bought a new pair but there was that leaf burning fine."

"Would it be worth the girl to get your dentures?"

"If you can get them soon. My social security check will be direct deposited into my checking account in two weeks. Then I can spring for a new pair of dentures and keep the girl"

" You won't be eating too good until then, right?"

"Right."

"Bring me the girl. I got your dentures."

He picked up his cell phone a tapped in a code. An awesome gong sound shimmered throughout the interior. The girl strutted in. Boy, was she decked out.

"Get your bags, honey," he said to his captive. "I'm letting you go."

"Are you sure? I have an awesome beansprout casserole in the oven."

"Come back anytime. My door is always open."

"I need some cash for the driver," she complained.

"There's some costume jewelry in the receiving room. The driver will never know the difference."

A butler came in the room with ten suitcases. She looked at me and said,"Can you get my bags?"
I thought about the blank check and dragged out the suitcases. I set them on a flat cart and tied it to the horse. She had already mounted. Away we went.

When I got her back to her mother I reached into my pocket for my glasses to check the signature on the blank check and found the dentures still in my pocket. I had forgotten to give them to the dragon. But that's OK. His retirement check will be there in a couple of weeks. Then he can get some good eats.

What did he do for a living before he retired? He was a burger flipper. Now his son owns the business. I hear he is doing well...

Terry A Chestnutt is a casual writer who thanks you for reading this article and invites you to visit his mental health and marketing blog at http://www.irregularperceptions.us/ The theme of his blog is that the same principals that apply to getting a click at a web page can be used just as effectively to get anything else in life. Take a look anytime. Thanks.

Brochure: Planet Earth

Welcome to Planet Earth!

Introduction

Planet Earth is a relatively small M-class planet, capable of supporting life for a variety of species, mostly carbon-based life forms. The dominant species is a humanoid called, Homo sapiens, numbering 7 billion individuals. Homo sapiens are a relatively primitive race of hominids, which are divided by political, cultural, religious, and linguistic boundaries. There are 196 political regions, called "countries". There countless cultures. There are 5 main religions (Hindu, Islam, Judaism, and Christendom), each with countless offshoots and sects. Atheism is growing, but it is still relatively new. There are over 6800 spoken languages on Planet Earth, with English being the lingua franca.

The climate of Planet Earth is mild. The average temperature is 287 degrees Kelvin (14 degrees Centigrade or 57 degrees Fahrenheit). Humidity can range from 0 percent to 100 percent.

Dining on Planet Earth

Are you Hungary for some good food? Try the New Delhi! Or, you can Rome around Italy and get a Pisa pizza while you're at it. Then, hop on over to the Philippines for a Manila shake. When life gets you down in the Pittsburg, try a Hamburg. No, on second thought, why have a Hamburg, when you can have a Salzburg Steak?! In Vietnam, the pollution may Hanoi you, but the noodles are to die Pho.

Shopping on Planet Earth

Need some new clothes? Try Kashmir. You may wish to take some souvenirs back home with you. You can get some China, but be careful not to be Peijing too much. If you feel that you have been Egpyt out of your money, don't Cairo over spilt milk.

The Arts

Is your spirit crying out for some good music? Try either Seoul or the Cape of Good Horn. Then, there are Puget Sound, Plymouth Sound, Marlborough Sound, the Great Sound, and the Broad Sound.

Getting Around Planet Earth

Travelling by automobile is the easiest way to get around. If you chose to travel by car and need a lube, try Greece. Please only park your space craft in an appropriately sized park, and please keep them cloaked.

Earth Culture

If you fly to Holland, you should know that you'll have to go Dutch. And, not far from there you can have a Copenhagen and leave your Denmark in the snow. Earthly customs may take a bit of getting used to, but the Earthlings have a saying: "When in Rome, do as Romans do."

Places to Go; Things to See

Have a Wale of a time in SwanSEA! And, afterward you should be 'Edinburough dee 'ighlands, mee lad. If you Canberra week of pure delight, try a visit to Australia, but be careful in the Outback or you might not be coming back. It remains to B.C.n, but if you can manoeuvre from Vancouver to Nova Scotia by local air-flight, you Can-ad-a lot of frequent flier miles Ontario your belt. And, Waikiki when you can watch Helsinki?

Recreation on Planet Earth

If you like to go bar-hopping, there are Barcelona in Spain. Plus, you can siesta all day and fiesta all night! If you enjoy sports, you may wish to play baseball. So, MonGOl over to UlaanBAATAR. But, take it steppe by steppe, so you don't yurt yourself. Please don't ask me about what you can do in Bangkok, because I won't even go there. For relaxation, the beaches are Nice along the French Riviera. And, if you like Karaoke, try Singapore.

Earth's Wildlife

If you want to see the wildlife, then Russian over to see the VladivoSTOCK of MosCOWs. However, watch out for the Lyons, the Tigris, and bears on planet Earth. If a dog won't do, perhaps a Kathmandu. If your Kuala has a Lumpur in his throat, perhaps he should Malay around a bit. Finally, please don't feed the humans, you might make them sick.

A Word of Caution to Earth Travellers

You'd better keep your temper in IRE-land if you don't want to be Dublin over. And, be GOOD in IslamaBAD, because everyone and their dog is Pakin', Stan! Finally, Venice time to be gondola, please Czech your bags to make sure you haven't Prague-ot anything.

Medical Treatment

Please understand that the medial facilities on earth are in their infancy. The pharmaceutical powers that be are stifling the progression of the medical profession, because doctors listen to the pharmaceutical industry. The pharmaceutical industry, nicknamed "Big Pharma", wants to make money and it does so by simply treating the symptoms rather than looking for cures. The cures that do exist are reserved for the rich, who can afford them. Therefore, curable disease is rampant on planet Earth. Make sure you have all your vaccinations before coming to planet Earth.

Passports and Visas

The dominant species, Homo sapiens, are so primitive that you can pass by their defences undetected by blocking radar and using cloaking technology. Therefore, you don't need a passport or visa. Just bring your cloaked space ship slowly into the Earth's biosphere and park in a park.

Blending In

You will want to "blend in" with the natives. Homo sapiens are extremely gullible and believe the lies told by their governments that off-world intelligent life doesn't exist. If you go around with big bulbous heads and grey gossamer bodies, you might scare the locals and incur some antagonism. Therefore, it is advisable to wear a disguise and dress like the natives. Humans tend to shoot first and ask questions later, that is if you survive the shooting.

There is one day of the year when you don't have to wear a disguise: Halloween! Halloween is a giant come-as-you-are party. Halloween occurs every October 31st by Homo sapiens' calendar, which is about mid-autumn in the northern hemisphere.

The Local Lingo

If you don't want to learn the local lingo, it's not a big problem. Nobody will be surprised, as they will suspect you are from a foreign political/cultural realm. Here are some suggestions. English appears to be the internationally accepted lingua franca. Therefore, it is recommended that you at least learn some survival English in order to communicate. The international greeting is "Hello, How are you?" with many different variants, like, "How's it going?" "How are you doing?" "How ya' going?" "How's life?" and "How have you been?" To answer the greeting, you must say, "I'm fine, thank you; and you?" Even if you are not fine. For shopping, you will either need to know numbers or carry around a device that humans call a calculator. Just ask, "How much is it?" and hand the calculator to the merchant. The merchant will then use the calculator to indicate the price.

Currency

There are as many currencies as there are political regions. This makes things difficult for visitors to Planet Earth. All their currencies are fiat currencies not backed by anything physical. The exchange rates change daily, as the various powers-that-be manipulate the markets in their favour. While most Homo Sapiens are harmless, greed is rampant. Theft is higher in the more impoverished regions, so watch your bags!

You cannot purchase items with gold or diamonds like we aliens do. You must first take your gold or diamonds to a jeweller and sell them for the local currency. Good luck with that.

Advice

When travelling on Earth, please understand that while most Homo sapiens are mostly harmless, there are a few bad apples in places like the Big Apple. Be vigilant. Don't be too trusting of strangers. As one of the humans' greatest teachers once said, "Be wise as serpents, but harmless as doves." Of course, then they killed him.

Leon Priz is a professional, full-time teacher of English who works part-time as a writer both as a free-lance journalist and content-submitter for Perpetual Technology Group.

Phyllis Diller: An Inspiring and Very Funny Life

During the late 1960s I was an adolescent living with my parents in the New York City area. Because I was an only child and my parents were older, I learned to appreciate a very eclectic assortment of entertainments which included Broadway Plays. At that time one of the biggest hits on Broadway was Hello Dolly. Although the role of Dolly was made famous by both Carol Channing and Pearl Bailey on Broadway, various television, film and other well known stage actresses took it on from time to time. One of them was Phyllis Diller.

My parents had already taken me to several Broadway productions during the middle to late 1960s, but the one I really wanted to see was Hello Dolly. At that time the movie version had not yet been made and I was curious about why so many people liked that play about a scheming matchmaker who was trying her best to fix up a wealthy Yonkers merchant with a wife, but actually wanted him for herself. The play took place in the late 1800s in New York City, a time I became fascinated with as a youth. Needless to say, I was thrilled when my dad told me that he had managed to get some tickets to see the almost always sold out show.

Although I had hoped to see Carol Channing in her signature role as Dolly, I was equally thrilled when my dad said that Phyllis Diller was starring in the current production while Carol took a break from playing that part. I knew Phyllis Diller from television. She was an extremely popular comedienne who appeared on television variety shows often enough so that I immediately recognized her name and knew her style very well. At that time Phyllis performed her act in a housedress, playing the part of a modern and progressive housewife whose long suffering husband Fang was the constant subject of unflattering jokes which made you laugh until you almost cried.

Phyllis Driver was born in Lima, Ohio, on July 17, 1917. I guess you could say her first foray into entertainment was learning to play the piano and studying classic music at Sherwood Music Conservatory in Chicago. She later attended Bluffton University in Ohio where she was a classmate of Hugh Downs, who later worked for NBC News and became a long-running host of The Today Show. In 1939 Phyllis married Sherwood Anderson Diller and the two headed off to live and work in California. They had six children together, but were divorced in 1965. Diller married Warde Donovan sometime shortly after her divorce, but that marriage also ended in 1974.

Before her career as a comedienne, Phyllis struggled to help take care of her family. That was what lead to her first job as a journalist at a local newspaper where she was paid a very meager salary. Her husband held various jobs, but never stayed at one for very long. Always in a state of financial distress, Diller often made light of her situation by sarcastically describing her life to other homemakers that she met at local Laundromats, food stores and PTA meetings. She also injected her unique brand of humor in her newspaper articles.

As friends, neighbors and newspaper readers became familiar with her own humorous take on a life filled with challenges, they began inviting Phyllis to speak at local clubs and events. Most of these gigs were unpaid, so her husband encouraged her to start charging for her performances. After developing several comedy routines and studying under a drama coach to improve her on stage presence, Phyllis Diller began receiving rave reviews as a paid local performer. That lead to a small radio gig which also helped to increase her popularity.

Although she began her professional career as a journalist for the San Leandro News-Observer, Diller garnered national attention after appearing as a contestant on You Bet Your Life, a popular TV game show hosted by comic legend Groucho Marx. Phyllis Diller's comedic banter with Marx and her trademark drawn out laugh caught the attention of the owner of The Purple Onion Comedy Club in San Francisco. He invited her to perform there and she was an instant hit with the live audience. Her one liner's like "I once wore a peekaboo blouse... People would peek and then they'd boo... " were just the kind of self-deprecating jokes that endeared her to fans.

Diller's stint at The Purple Onion quickly paid off big as invitations to appear at other large clubs poured in from across the country. In 1958 she was invited to perform on The Tonight Show, which was hosted by Jack Parr at that time, and made a huge splash with the late night national audience. She appeared on that show many times afterward and was said to be one of Johnny Carson's favorite guests after he took over The Tonight Show's hosting duties. Bob Hope also took notice of Phyllis Diller. He had been her comedic inspiration and she admitted adapting his style into her own act. Hope liked Diller's stage persona and began inviting her to join him on USO Tours, to appear with him on TV, and in several of his movies.

During the 1960s Phyllis Diller was a staple on network TV variety shows. By the time she took on the role of Dolly on Broadway, she had already appeared as an actress in an impressive number of films and stage shows. The fondest memory I have of watching her play Dolly live was when she was in a scene that took place in a restaurant. She had some meat, vegetables and several unusually large baked potatoes on her plate. While trying to cut into one of the potatoes and then take a bite out of it, she noticed it was badly over-cooked and began to make faces as she tried to chew it. Phyllis spit out the piece of potato she was chewing on, stopped her scripted dialogue and told the audience, "If I try and eat this lousy over-cooked potato, I'll bring new meaning to the phrase dying on stage!" She followed that statement with her signature drawn out laugh and brought the house down.

To me, that was classic Phyllis. She had great comedic intuition, timing and delivery. She made light of everyday situations that anyone could relate to and always did it in a way which made you crack up with laughter. A multi-talented individual, Diller fulfilled a lifelong dream performing as a solo pianist with various well-known symphony orchestras throughout the USA during the 1970s and 1980s. She also wrote a number of popular books and became known as a talented artist who created a number of well-received paintings. In all she did, Phyllis Diller always stood out as someone that attracted, rather than demanded your attention.

If I have to choose one thing that would make me admire Phyllis Diller the most, it was how she reinvented herself. Just think of the odds against a woman living during the 1950s being able to go from being an unknown suburban housewife with money troubles who told a few jokes about her life to anyone who would listen, to a famous comedienne who earned millions over a lifetime and made the world laugh at and with her. Known as a person with boundless energy and a strong work ethic, Phyllis finally retired from performing live in 2002 after a gig in Las Vegas. During a 2005 interview, she mentioned how much she missed performing and the high she got from making people laugh.

Phyllis Diller is an inspiration because she never allowed anything to stop her from achieving her goals. She looked at challenges as opportunities and left those of us who were fortunate enough to watch her perform on television or in person with the gift of laughter. Phyllis died at the age of 95 in her Los Angeles home during August of 2012. She will be missed, but never forgotten and always admired as someone who would not allow life's road blocks to block hers.

Bill Edwards is a popular Speaker, Author and Consultant with eclectic interests. He offers practical advice about life decisions, business and career issues. Visit his website for more free articles, free content, free ebooks and valuable information.

Digital Carnage Under Threat Say Experts

The Daily Scare

A government spokesperson has predicted that World War Three will be fought and won from a laptop in a bedroom in Glasgow.

This follows an earlier report in the Daily Telegraph's website /news on 9/1/13, in which the Commons Defence Committee warned a shocked and armchair-bound nation that, "The armed forces are now so dependent on information technology that their ability to operate could be 'fatally compromised' by a sustained cyber attack."

The committee had decided to believe evidence that entire combat units, such as aircraft and warships, could be rendered completely dysfunctional by a cyber attack. In such an attack an enemy, operating from a laptop in a terrorist stronghold such as the Eastern Hemisphere, Southern Hemisphere (except Tasmania) or Glasgow could penetrate radar or satellites to create a "deceptive picture" in the military command structure (which has never had one of those before) while the increased use of unmanned drones and battlefield robots potentially add to the vulnerability.

Accordingly, experts are currently watching the Star Wars prequels and old episodes of "Dr Who and the Cybermen" for tips on how to counter this threat.

This is reportedly the culmination of the Defence Ministry's long and often bloody struggle to liberate taxpayers' money from the clutches of the Education Department, Health Ministry and other terrorist organisations - the so-called "War on Not Having Lots of Money".

A key strategy of this long and arduous campaign is winning the hearts and minds of people who might otherwise have frittered away millions of pounds on food, shoes and their mortgages. Vital to making that "hearts and minds" strategy a success has been to deploy a tactic the experts are calling "frightening the dickens out of everybody by inventing yet another invisible lurking menace."

Earlier invisible lurking red herrings such as Satan and Communism have proven a disappointment that hardly justified the expense of creating them or even burning heretics. Indeed, they inexplicably and embarrassingly expired (except Satan) just when everyone had been told they were going to take over the world.

The currently fashionable invisible lurking menaces such as the flu, mental illness, the weather and terrorism have also failed to live up to the hopes of many people in government and other crime syndicates, on account of completely failing to kill enough people despite all the help they have been given.

The Ministry of Warmongering's Department of Scaremongering has done its best in recent years with scant resources but these projects have largely failed and Britons - unlike the Americans whose military spending has ensured no-one is safe - have been deprived of the terror and sense of foreboding that is their birthright.

Cases in point are Saddam Hussein, who completely forgot to have any Weapons of Mass Destruction and Osama Bin Liner who went and died twenty years before he became an international celebrity running a global terror network armed only with a beard and CIA funding. Both completely neglected to live up to all the advertising done on their behalf across the Western World and other hotbeds of sedition.

Currently, Iran has also let a lot of people down by refusing to build any nuclear weapons despite being told to by America and this has completely ruined Israel's plans to have the US turn Iran into a car park for its tanks and similar weapons of peace.

The advent of unmanned drones controlled by a Nintendo Game Boy from a condominium on the shores of the Potomac in Washington DC and thoroughly tested on bus queues and wedding parties across Pakistan and similar military testing sites, has shown a great deal of promise.

These drones hold out the hope of a great saving on military spending by allowing the government to avoid the cost of drugging its soldiers.

The recent incident in which a drone headed for Pakistan blew a circuit and chased a Morris Minor for ten miles along the M6 in Shropshire is no cause for concern says the Ministry for Hysteria. The Morris Minor in question escaped unharmed when the drone veered off and proceeded to bomb Leamington Spa instead. In the ensuing carnage no-one important was killed before the crisis was brought to a swift end when an operative at the GCHQ centre near Cheltenham managed to press ctrl-alt-delete in the nick of time.

The Ministry spokesperson said that the government can assure in no uncertain terms anyone who harbours the deluded notion that military weapons are dangerous that this is probably untrue. Modern weapons are entirely fuelled by Mendacity - a propellant well known for its power to galvanise inanimate objects such as presidents - as well as fully biodegradable plutonium. Thus, according to scientifically drafted press releases, they are 100% safe - unless you are the person they are pointed at or anyone within a five mile radius of the target. But then anyone foolish enough to be an innocent bystander is just asking for trouble.

Yet this promising development in the campaign to have carnage and mayhem fully automated is now threatened by the efforts of The Enemy to develop software designed to spoil everybody's fun.

The identity of The Enemy is thus far a secret that is closely guarded for security reasons and will remain so at least until one can be made up or someone else can be found to first annoy and then sell weapons to.

Whoever it is or will turn out to probably be, they are certain according to my sources to be (a) invisible (b) lurking and (c) funded by the CIA.

However, some sources are warning that we can expect a full-on cyber attack "sooner rather than later" or even "eventually" and that hordes of computer nerds armed with battle-ready iPods are at this very moment massing on our borders.

The county will be placed on a war footing and the Ministry of Information plans to get the whole population into the spirit of things (mainly fear) by following successful actions first deployed in World War Two, such as plastering the country with posters bearing such legends as "Keep Calm and Carry on Doing Nothing" and "Careless Posting on Facebook Costs Lives" with stiff penalties such as public blogging for people who betray their country by suggesting we should try not to kill anybody - something which is known to be impossible in any case.

Meanwhile, researchers commissioned by the military are working flat out to develop revolutionary new technology to counter the threat to freedom occasioned by the swiftly developing cyber threat. These new advanced strategies will include:

Banning cyber threats.Fining anyone who googles the location of our military installations or nuclear submarines.Blowing up Google.Having troops equipped with paper and pens - and having schools teach children how to spell or write.Having the military cease to issue battle orders by text or email.Demanding that troops on the battlefield have their mobiles switched off.Introducing the telephone.Training all military personnel in how to look out of the window to find out what is going on.Re-introducing shouting.

Be A Filthy Stinking Rich Novelist

It's called revenge. Succeed beyond your wildest dreams of avarice. Go back to your hometown. Laugh at all the losers from your childhood. Throw balled-up money at them, because you're so filthy stinking bloody rich that you laugh -- laugh!! -- at what they call riches. Make it rain dollar bills just to mock their pathetic little feeding frenzy. Then fly away in your Learjet, drinking champagne, and leave them to their pathetic little dead-end lives.

Why? Because you're a novelist, dammit! We're rich, I tell you. Rich!

Some of us write simply because we can't not write. Ideas grab us, move us, and demand to be written. We strive to make it as real as we possibly can, to improve at our craft every day, hopefully to make it into the realm of literature as well as entertainment. We want to craft an entire world where the places and people are so real that the reader doesn't feel like he's reading a book as much as he is living in another place.

In the lofty world of literature that we strive for, the reader will still think about the book long after reading that last page. It's our gift to the reader, something to take with him. Given sufficient skill, this can happen centuries after we're dead.

Then we learn that doesn't sell. Oh, there are exceptions. Some novelists make a living by consistently writing quality literature. But there are quite a few best sellers who have no such goals. They write crap, for the money, and they make it. Even the writer who has written great literature has trouble marketing it that way.

We have to look at our "target audience." Who will buy this book? Let me see, our heroine survived spousal abuse, so there's an audience. There's a suicide, so we can get the bereavement crowd. Where's the setting? We can get a local audience. The hero's a cop. Maybe the teen boys will go for that. Nah, too light on action. But there's a romance. Maybe we'll market to the romance readers. Give the hero bedroom eyes and pass him off as a romantic hero. Yeah, that might work.

But if you want to write to get rich, even that's not enough. Nah, the time to think about your reader is before you write the book, not after.

Throw in lots of gratuitous sex, preferably extramarital. One (and only one) character who flirts and is sorely tempted and walks away from "love" to remain true to his wife.

Use taboo words for shock value. Ram, hump, scream, oral sex, voluptuous, female orgasm (the great revelation). Make sure a lot of your leads enjoy sex. Horny women are a good way to pull in the readers you want. (Pull! Heh.) We all know men are horny, but most of your readers haven't discovered that some women enjoy sex too. Tell them this. Give the female readers a balm for their consciences and the male readers someone to dream about.

Lie. Why not? It's only a novel.

Your heroine should be tough, sweet, sensitive, and very horny, and she has to think she's not attractive even though every guy in the book except her husband falls off his chair with a tent in his pants.

Don't let the length of a novel faze you. Just throw some people on the stage, move them around a bit, and get them into bed. Then change the rules so they switch around a bit and get them back into bed. It doesn't always have to be a bed. Office desks, park benches, and car seats work too. Hammocks, not so much. When the book's long enough, stop. Don't worry about the "climax," because people are climaxing all over the place.

Exotic locales. Foreign countries with beaches. And bitches. Lots of rich people. Rich bitches. Remember that you're writing for the lowest common denominator, because they spend most of the money that you're trying to reel in. Make it sleazy. No one ever went broke underestimating the public.

How to publish? To do it right, write the sales pitch before you write the book. Make sure the book follows the pitch and the formula. If your cover letter alone has eight typos, no problem. Nobody cares. The publisher will wanna rush this baby to print and get you, or an attractive stand-in, doing as many TV appearances as possible before the book reviewers have time to draw breath.

Heck, your target market doesn't read book reviews anyway. Also keep in mind that once that reader buys your book, you've won. They won't get a refund just because you're illiterate. So don't worry about hiring an editor. Hire a publicist!

Think Hollywood. You want your book to become a movie. It doesn't have to be a good movie, because most of them aren't. It just has to sell, baby, sell! Write parts for all the hottest stars. True, today's hottest stars will have faded by the time they start filming your movie, but no matter. Someone just like them will replace them.

I've been doing it wrong for all these years. I started writing over 40 years ago, and the nine books I have on the shelves are enough to make it a beloved hobby that barely pays for itself. Meanwhile, I work at a job for my money. But if you follow my advice, you won't make the same mistakes I did. You'll get rich!

I lived in Asia for 12 years before returning to North Carolina in October 2012 with my Australian wife and our lovely Calico cat. I think I remember how to drive. I've written 12 published books, thrown twice as many in the trash, and edited over 300 more. Also, I work part-time as a pet sitter because I've gotten too lazy to do sales for my editing business.

http://www.editormichael.com/

Funny Comic Strips Are Stress Reducing Tools

You cannot deny the importance of wit and humor in our day to day lives, which is just like breathing fresh air for prompt relief. We crave for joy and happiness through all such aspects, which are available around us. Funny comic strips play a vibrant role in the right moment when we require the desired relief. Trivial activities are highlighted by characters with funny sketches with equally humorous text to create moments of joy and delight for the reader. It has added advantages, which helps get rid of stressful time in our lives. The present competitive world is a stressful place and we need a break from the monotony once in a while to maintain the balance. Stress, in the present age is unavoidable and we must learn to keep it at bay for sometime so that we are less exposed to the harmful effect of stress. There are different ways to be away from stress, which are adopted by people according to the suitability. Exercising, watching television shows or movies, indoor games, reading and hanging with pals are some of the ways to get rid of stressful moments. You need to choose the way that you find comfortable. It has been proved by researchers that laughter is a potential antidote to stress. The feeling of laughter is generated by funny comic strips online, which is a great accomplishment for the modern man in the present social condition.

The activity of comic strip is to entertain the reader or visitor with visual presentation of humorous sketches with matching text full of wit. It has gained tremendous popularity over the years and has created a permanent space in daily newspapers across the world with huge fan following as well. Some of the carton characters have earned worldwide name and fame, which are transcribed in various different forms of presentation to entertain the public with solid commercial success for the promoters. You will get renowned comic books, which contain collections of funny comic strips and are in enormous demand. You will find dramatic story lines, enchanting sketches, and interesting characters with witty dialogue for pure fun and enjoyment. It helps break the grueling monotony of daily life full of stress and anxiety. You will be free of the feeling of difficult times for a small period, which is the ultimate gain in reading these artistic displays to produce humorous moments in life. The form of comic strips is so popular that you will definitely find the presence of the tool in every country in the respective language for the entertainment of the common mass.

The immense popularity of funny comic strips is due to the simple style of presentation, which is appreciated by every member of the society and is irrespective of age bar. People can easily make out the hidden meaning of the artwork and the attached text, which offers special message to the society at times. Teenagers are always excited with famous cartoon characters of comic books and many of them become addict of funny comic strips.

Read and enjoy fresh and funny comic strips online for real entertainment.

Magic Or High Tech?

While many tend to blur the difference between science fiction and fantasy, those involved in either field are quick to detail the differences. Fantasy may deal with elves or gnomes, shaman or wizards. Science fiction deals with alien beings that evolved much like ordinary life forms on Earth, except they evolved on Mars, or a planet around Sirius or Alpha Centauri (where a real planet was recently discovered). The characters in fantasy can work magic, fly broomsticks, or cast hexes. The characters in science fiction can invent spectacular devices, fly intergalactic spacecraft, or fire death ray blasters. So where is the difference except in explanations of how it is done? The difference lies in the claim that the devices and techniques seen in science fiction may actually be possible, while only those who believe reading tea leaves is valid could think magic will ever work.

Science fiction can justifiably claim success in predicting a lengthy number of real inventions. The author of "Man Without a Country" in 1869 had a story, "The Brick Moon", run as a three-month serial in The Atlantic Monthly. This not only forecast artificial satellites, but predicted one of their real uses, as a navigational aid. Arthur C. Clarke himself in 1945 predicted communications satellites, and later wrote an amusing essay on how he could not have patented the idea because the patent office demanded to know how to get the satellites into space, so he failed to cash in on a billion dollar idea. H. G. Wells had the "Land Ironclads" in 1905, well before tanks made their appearance in World War I. Hundreds of stories were published about space travel long before Yuri Gagarin made mankind's first spaceflight. Jules Verne had a very advanced submarine sailing in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Hugo Gernsback invented both the word and idea of television in one of his nearly unreadable stories, so people who decry science fiction as unreal should, to be consistent, never watch TV, whether broadcast, cable or as a DVD.

Some even today are opposed to the American space program, not having accepted that it can turn a huge profit if allowed to mine asteroids, create lunar colonies, and do many of the other things science fiction has been predicting for decades. But the USA is not the only nation with a space program. Russia was first in space, and has a long tradition of science fiction (and of fantasy as well). China has plans for lunar landings followed closely by construction of a permanent base. Europe, India, and others have plans. The Apollo landings, if not followed by further efforts in the USA, could be remembered by history as having about as much significance as the Viking landings in North America. Except China and the others will not follow Apollo by 500 years, as Columbus did the Vikings. A sad possibility I envision in my story, "Late Breaking News".

Need a Better Bit? Get Naked

As a former runway model, Valerie Jean Garduno was used to shedding her clothes between turns on the catwalk. Now she's shedding her inhibitions-and her act has never been funnier. Here, she talks to us about using her newest best asset, her brain.

Q: You were just 17 when you moved to Paris, modeling in the shows of some of the biggest fashion labels: Dior, Valentino, Calvin Klein. From there you traveled to Milan, New York and other glamorous fashion capitals. Comedy offers some decidedly less alluring venues. Do models and comedians have anything in common?

A: They both spend a lot of time alone, living out of suitcases and holding the attention of inebriated men.

Q: Does being attractive work for you or against you in the world of comedy?

A: Being attractive doesn't hurt. Maybe I get some attitude or sometimes I'm not taken seriously, but I always get a free drink!

Q: Getting up on stage to do stand-up for the first time is a sheer act of bravery. Lots of comedians cringe at that memory. What do you know now that you wish you could have told yourself then?

A: The first time I did stand-up I had an out of body experience; I didn't remember a thing. I wish I could have told myself to stay in my body a little bit longer.

Q: What are the best and worst aspects about doing stand-up?

A: The worst thing is the pain I feel when a joke bombs. The best thing by far is the kismet with the audience when you're on that ride together and the whole room is laughing. There's nothing like it!

Q: How do you come up with material?

A: Material is there everyday, you just have to make the effort to find it and present it in a funny way even though it comes from the places that hurt.

Q: Do you worry about revealing too much of yourself in your act?

A: I don't really worry about revealing too much. Sometimes I'll try a joke and feel so naked that I'll never try the joke again. But being able to express it at least once opens the doors to more possibilities.

Q: What do you do when the audience isn't going along for the ride? When a heckler is ruining your groove?

A: I've really only had one heckler who got to me. He shouted out a sexual reference within the first minute I got on the stage. Honestly, I somewhat froze. But when I got home, I wrote 10 different comebacks so now I'm ready with plenty of ammunition. Bring it on!

Q: How do you deal with creepy groupies?

A: Gently.

Q: What's the quickest way to build a fan base? How are you getting people out to see a performance?

A: I use Facebook to post fliers for shows and blast out shows I'll be performing at. It's the best tool in the world for comedians!

Q: Tell me a joke you've heard somewhere that you'd like to steal.

A: I saw a comedian do a very physical act out and he was so hilarious.
It was about a drunken girl downloading music. I thought to myself, I wish I wrote that, I would have had such a blast performing that bit!!! Why didn't I think of that!

Our favorite Valerie Jean Garduno joke: "Once, when I was on a photo shoot in Africa, a starving Ethiopian woman offered me a piece of bread. I was like, 'thank you, but I'm on a no carb diet.'"

Teresa Palagano of http://www.etalentshowcase.com/ is an award-winning journalist with 15 years of experience. She regularly writes about entertainment and lifestyle topics. eTalentShowcase is the place for Talent to get discovered.

Teen Comic - Neko White

Somehow, you never imagine that telling fart jokes in class is going to amount to much. Grade-school shtick-mocking the substitute and deriding the school safety patrol-might earn a boy status, maybe a class clown honor. But Neko White parlayed it into much more. Barely a teenager, he took his jokes to New York City comedy clubs-and killed it. "Originally I was drawn to stand-up because the stage gives you a multitude of powers," says White. "I can say anything and people listen. People hang on my every word. It's like being a politician, only people usually smile at what I'm saying."

Being so young gave him an edge, says White. "I had this feeling of 'hey, I can do no wrong. I can say whatever I want about whomever I want' then not have to feel guilty about it." But on the comedy circuit, people didn't always know what to make of White. At best, the teen was greeted with a mixed reaction. "Some comedians really liked me, and then there were some who questioned my commitment to this art form. Yet here we are almost five years later and I am still a comedian." And if he ever needed a shot of confidence, he didn't have to look further than homeroom. "Telling jokes made me the most popular kid in my high school. People knew I was serious about my craft."

Adults starting out in stand-up will often go to the mike with a preconceived notion of who they should be instead of being who they are. That's a big mistake, says White-one that he sidestepped because at his age; he simply didn't know who else to be. "Being yourself is what people connect with and it's what keeps you original." The big lesson he did learn: Stay humble. "Never believe your own hype. As soon as you do, you stop working hard. You settle instead of trying to get better."

And comedy, like most professions, demands that you're always evolving; that you bring it each and every time. You push to improve because you're dedicated to your craft. Unfortunately, says White, that's not always the case. "I wish comedy would be less about the greed and more about the art. I know people who have quit comedy because it paid them no money. I was like 'yeah... but you only been doing it for four weeks.' You have to pay dues."

An evangelist on career commitment, White opted out of college for the clubs and claims he'd be doing stand-up if he never made a dime-in a "metaphoric sense."

"You can't put a dollar amount on my love for being a comedian. No amount of money or lack of money can stop me from wanting to be better and better. One day I'll be the best comedian of my time. Now, do not get it twisted. This is the real world. Bills must be paid. So give me my money."

Teresa Palagano of http://www.etalentshowcase.com/ is an award-winning journalist with 15 years of experience. She regularly writes about entertainment and lifestyle topics. eTalentShowcase is the place for Talent to get discovered.

Top Tips for Standup Comedians and Professional Speakers On How to Get More Bookings

• Get Listed With as Many Speakers Bureaus and Entertainment Booking Agencies as You Can

A Speakers Bureau or Talent Booking Agency can save you enormous amounts of time, money, and energy. How can you out work the entire staff of twenty different agencies and bureaus? If you have numerous agencies and speakers bureaus working to get you booked, you will secure many more bookings and earn much more money. Because they work for commission only, it is in a speakers bureau's and booking agency's best interest to get you work!

• Encourage Cooperation Among Your Different Talent Booking Agencies and Speakers Bureaus

Even if you are exclusive with an agency, make sure you encourage cooperation between your agent and all other agents. If your agency will not work with other bureaus or agencies, you will miss out on many events and shows. Why leave money on the table? Representation with many other agencies gives you more marketing and publicity and feeds more leads to the agency or bureau with which you have an exclusive agreement. The more people you have selling you, the more likely you are to get booked. Make sure your exclusive agent cooperates with other agencies, or they will sell their clients comedians and speakers that want the bookings!

• Help Entertainment Booking Agencies and Bureaus Sell You

You need high quality photographs. You also need a well written biography that includes your accomplishments and accolades, and why you would be a great stand up comedian or guest speaker for various audiences. It is also good to have a high quality video of you performing some of your stand-up comedy routine or your keynote speech. Keep the videos brief and let the bureaus and agencies use them to sell you.

• Always Be Fair with the Talent Agencies and Speakers Bureaus that are Working Hard to Book YOU

They all work with and know each other, so to get more calls, you want to develop and maintain a reputation as a comedian or speaker that is fair, loyal, and agreeable. You can have a multitude of people working hard to help you get more bookings and make you more money - so don't bite the many hands that feed you. Take care of your agents and they will take care of you! Remember TEAM means Together Everyone Achieves More!

• More Benefits of Working with Entertainment Talent Booking Agencies and Speakers Bureaus

• Representation by many agents makes clients see you as more professional, in demand, and desirable for their event or show.

• Entertainment booking agencies and speakers bureaus give you an enormous amount of FREE publicity and promotion.

• An experienced talent booking agency and speakers bureau has many clients and knows how to market you and your talents to those clients and customers.

Teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success!

A to Z Entertainment, Inc. is an experienced talent booking agency. http://www.comediansandspeakers.com/

The Art of the Funny Prank

Miracle Drug Solves Everything

The need to worry (or panic) is over

Genetic scientists announced today that they have solved all the world's problems.

The shocking news was released this morning by Secretary of State for Mutant Affairs and Extinction Management, Jane Fibbs, as she triumphantly addressed the world via subliminal messages democratically imbedded into popular TV programmes such as Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and Spot the Celebrity Brain.

She declared that, "The need for anyone to illegally doubt this government ever again is well and truly over thanks to the latest miracle breakthrough by researchers at the famous top secret Frankenstein Institute in Apocalypse, Missouri."

This news comes as something of a surprise to dissident factions such as voters, the middle classes, the working classes and other ungrateful minorities who were convinced that geneticists had given them strange lumps, breathing difficulties and other unwanted irritations such as the New World Order.

But everybody's troubles are now, probably, over and we can all look forward to a new Golden Age of nothing bad ever happening again thanks to the Frankenstein Institute's $4,000 billion four-year research programme.

Code-named Project Completely Sensible, researchers engaged in an ambitious search for the solution to two of the world's major problems: a shortage of elbow room on an over-populated planet and a shortage of money in the under-funded bank accounts of shareholders of the Frankenstein Institute

The solution that the Institute's dedicated team have come up with is widely reputed by experts all across the Frankenstein Institute to be so complete and fool-proof and without any known side-effects or consequences whatsoever that neither the government nor the pharmaceutical industry need worry.

This is so much the case that anyone who enters any negativity into the proceedings by writing sarcastic articles or scathing Facebook posts about it it will immediately be arrested by an elite squad of Green Berets, locked up in a psychiatric institution and have their brain re-wired with drugs.

To those of you who insist that such treatment is a tad harsh, Ms Fibbs retorted, "No, it isn't."

She then went on to explain that in any case, harbouring doubts about your democratically elected dictatorship is now illegal and those who insist that people have constitutional rights are reminded that, no they don't. The Constitution was abolished last Tuesday by the Democratic Committee for the Abolition of the Constitution when it was proved beyond doubt by a press release from the office of the President that its content was largely seditious and ran contrary to the inalienable right of multinational corporations to be unconstitutional and/or wreck the planet. There will probably be a subliminal implant announcing this minor constitutional adjustment next year.

The President himself, speaking at the launch of the National Big Brother competition - in which the lives of all citizens will be secretly televised to an audience of Homeland Security specialists - took pause to congratulate the Frankenstein Institute for its "sterling work."

President Stalin is renowned for being the world's first cloned President and was genetically engineered in a laboratory in Zimbabwe to have no common sense. He went on to say, "There are those who assert that the answer to the chaos and inefficiency that has made an under-populated and scarcely developed planet appear overcrowded is to run things better and stop being stupid. But we say there is no need to go to such extraordinary lengths when we have at our disposal the means to tinker recklessly with genes."

And he added, "The Frankensteins have shown us the way forward. The answer to a world that appears small is to make human beings even smaller!"

The technological means to achieve the age-old goal of making human beings very small comes in the form of the "Lilliput Drug."

Scientists noted that human beings, especially in America, have been getting larger and larger and predicted that by the year 2100 the average American male will be over 20 feet tall and almost as wide and weigh approximately three tons.

The strain on the Earth's resources of increasingly large human bodies is obvious: larger bodies eat more food and consume more essential nutrients such as coffee and alcohol, require larger doses of drugs (or bullets) to sedate or kill them, need bigger cars and houses, use more toilet paper, take up more room and so on.

The answer to the problem is obvious: make human beings smaller. If, generation by generation, human beings could be genetically engineered to be progressively smaller in size, arriving over time at what is believed to be the ideal size for a human being - roughly four inches in height and five pounds in weight - massive savings will be made on the consumption of the Earth's resources.

At those ideal dimensions, it has been calculated that the entire population of the planet could live comfortably on the Isle of Wight and be fed by the agricultural output of Angola.

In other words, as the size of human beings shrinks, the world will, from our perspective, seem to grow larger and larger until it corresponds with the relative size of Jupiter. This will give everyone a lot more elbow room.

There would be an added benefit in that labour will be a lot more comfortable for mothers giving birth to children who with each generation are roughly half the size of the previous generation.

This dream has now become achievable with the development of the Lilliput Pill. The pill was extensively tested on elephants at the New York City Zoo and the results of those experiments will be on display to the public as soon as the so-called "Lilliput Elephants" can be coaxed out from under the sofa in the manager's office.

The new wonder drug, which has to be taken daily from birth until old age or compulsory sterilisation (whichever is the sooner) will soon be tested on humans by making it available on prescription or over the counter at drug stores.

Next year, consumption of the Lilliput Drug will be made compulsory for all citizens and those who decline will be gently persuaded to see the error of their ways by being locked up without trial. The government insists that this measure is not undemocratic as it merely weeds out those who disagree with the government, a measure which any person in his right mind and not a terrorist sympathiser must agree with.

Those necessarily exempt for the new compulsory shrinkage will be, among others, the owners of multinational corporations, government officials, the military and the police. All these will be permitted to retain their current size.

It is thus believed that when all other people are four inches or less in height, it will be easier for the forces of law and order to literally stamp out dissent and/or terrorism. And thus save on the cost of bullets.

The only known, mild side effects anyone need not worry about at all - apart from being trodden on by government officials - will be being chased by cats or carried off by starlings.

However, to combat such fears, scientists at the Brain-u-Like Institute have announced a solution. They have discovered the existence of a hitherto unknown mental illness called TAD (Tiny Aversion Disorder) and developed a drug that will render anyone carried off by starlings, eaten by voles or mown down by stampeding cockroaches inordinately happy about the whole experience.

Related News

"Human Shrinkage plans do not go far enough!" says controversial group.

The UK-based "Miniscule Society", an extremist offshoot of the AMF, the American Mini-me Federation, today poured scorn on the government's plans to reduce humans to four inches in height. Posting on Facebook just before he was arrested by a nine hundred strong force of FBI agents backed up by tanks and surface-to-surface missiles, a spokesperson for the group accused the government of a conspiracy to deny people their inalienable rights to be very tiny indeed. Claiming that if human beings were reduced to the height of one millimetre, the entire population of the world could live in a single fallout shelter and consume just one tin of spam per day... "

Find out more about me and my real name at http://stephen-cook-humor.blogspot.co.uk/

Good Tips on How to Be Funny

L'humour est un trait humain unique. La plupart d'entre nous ont des goûts uniques, aversions, cultures et expériences de vie, ce qui permet de trouver un sujet drôle ou un thème aussi facile que l'extraction dent de sagesse d'éléphant. Humour peut être trouvé dans tout sous le soleil. Mais, d'où un aspirant à être drôle de look ? Regarder dans le miroir. Si vous voulez savoir comment être drôle, sauf quelques blagues ringard, il y a quelques méthodes bien éprouvées, que vous pouvez appliquer pour obtenir quelques rires.

Rire de vous-même
La première étape pour être drôle devrait être facile. Rire de vous-même. Dès que vous vous réveillez, observez vos actions dans les moindres détails, en particulier lorsque vous utilisez les toilettes. Sortir du lit, sur la gauche ou sur le "bon" côté du lit ? Voulez-vous mettre votre pantalon votre jambe gauche ou droite tout d'abord ? Lorsque vous perdez votre équilibre tout en mettant sur votre pantalon, vous lâchez rapidement de votre pantalon, ou vous êtes le type qui tombe sur le sol ronchonner encore solidement vos vêtements ? Observant que vos actions quotidiennes peuvent être une mine d'or de moments drôles, vous pouvez partager avec d'autres.

Ne raconte des blagues, des histoires de partage
Les blagues sont un moyen facile d'obtenir un rapide rire dans la foule, mais si vous les utilisez trop souvent ou trop, vous allez rapidement perdre l'attention de votre auditoire et cesser d'être drôle. Blagues pas tous travaillent sur chaque foule, mais raconter une histoire drôle est la meilleure façon de se lier à un auditoire. Si vous pouvez trouver l'humour dans les activités quotidiennes banales de la vie, vous serez un bon conteur et les gens vous trouveront amusant d'écouter trop.

Examiner les oppositions
Examiner les opposés quand les gens parlent, ou quand la pensée de drôles de choses à parler. Par exemple, si quelqu'un mentionne que manger un hamburger juteux, que de ce qu'un hamburger sec aurait un goût comme ? Au lieu d'un Coca froid, vous pouvez dire « J'aime mon coke chaud comme mon café. » Quand quelqu'un cherche un avis médical professionnel, pourquoi ne pas offrir vos conseils médicaux non professionnelle. Apprendre à utiliser des opposés est l'un des meilleurs conseils sur la façon d'être drôle.

Dire la vérité
Beaucoup de gars-drôle de mentir pour obtenir des rires. Mentir n'est pas nouveau dans la comédie ; les mensonges sont un excellent moyen de mettre en place une blague pour une ligne de punch. Mais exagérer sur vous-même et d'autres pour obtenir un éclat de rire n'est pas en bonne santé humour. Il y a une différence entre faire les gens à rire et un rire de partage avec votre public. Pour être franchement drôle faut du talent, mais c'est ce qui rend le vétérans drôle-hommes vraiment drôle.

Amusez-vous à être drôle
Certaines personnes essaient très dur d'être drôle et leurs efforts montrent qu'ils ne sont pas s'amuser. Si vous n'éprouvez pas amusant, drôle, puis votre public verra à travers vous. Quelle est la différence entre être drôle et amusant ? Être drôle à d'autres personnes peut provoquer le rire, mais drôle a limité l'applicabilité, et bientôt, les gens oublient le temps que vous avez montré les dès que le rire s'estompe. D'autre-part, avoir du plaisir avec votre auditoire est personnelle. Quand vous pouvez avoir du plaisir et de rire aux côtés de votre auditoire, et vous puis devenir un avec eux et que la mémoire peut durer toute une vie, pour vous et votre public.

Essais et Erreurs
Seulement par essais et erreurs vous pouvez développer votre plaisir compétences et découvrez comment être drôle. Si tu es de passage le long des blagues vous avez pick up à l'école ou sur le mur de votre bar de quartier, ou partage des histoires de vos aventures de salle de bain récente, vous commencerez à développer votre propre style efficace de drôle. N'oubliez pas, pas de tous les êtres « humour » sont les mêmes, donc ne vous découragez pas, sinon tout le monde vous trouve vraiment drôle.

Soyez vous-même
Soyez vous-même, vous n'avez pas d'agir différemment pour être drôle, sauf si vous êtes sur scène dans un line-up de police de clowns de cirque recherché. La meilleure façon d'être drôle est en racontant des histoires qui se rapportent à des circonstances ordinaires de tous les jours où les choses étranges se produisent. Tout le monde rira quand ils entendent une situation ordinaire humoristique qui elles peuvent s'identifier trop. Un piège commun, qui a beaucoup de manque-à-être drôle-gars est tombés lorsqu'ils essaient d'être drôle, se sent qu'ils doivent devenir quelqu'un ou quelque chose qu'ils ne le sont pas.

Les meilleurs conseils sur la façon d'être drôle sont les plus simples. Rire de vous-même, raconter des histoires drôles, amusez-vous et soyez vous-même. Vous êtes un humour unique étant, votre façon de que marcher, la façon dont vous parlez, habillez et sortez du lit, même la façon dont vous raconterez des histoires. Alors qu'il est inspirant d'écouter différents comédiens, lis des livres drôles et écouter les blagues, il sera votre propre style d'humour qui fonctionnera le mieux pour vous, en essayant d'être drôle.

A Personal Invitation to Meet Elvis

I was very young and as it would turn out, some might say very stupid, when my sister and I were invited to Palm Springs to meet up with a man who was one of Elvis Presley's dearest friends. We'd met Chad at the screening of a Hollywood movie, directed by friend, Michael Pressman, titled, The Great Texas Dynamite Chase.

Chad was taken with Jennie's beauty, as well as mine. He seemed to enjoy the fact that we were twins. As this self-proclaimed entrepreneur was looking both of us up and down, he offered, "Terrie and Jennie, if you're ever in Palm Springs and Elvis is there, I'll arrange an introduction."

Who wouldn't want to meet Elvis? The biggest entertainer in the universe. A self-made mega-star who was born January 8th, 1935 in Tupelo, Mississippi, Elvis started out as an usher in a movie theater and conquered the world music scene by selling over six hundred million records. And the man could act! He starred in thirty-three movies that included: Blue Hawaii, Love Me Tender, Jail House Rock, Viva Las Vegas, Roustabout, Girls! Girls! Girls! And of course, Double Trouble.

Elvis loved the ladies and was romantically linked with such actresses as: Cybil Shepherd, Ann-Margret, Natalie Wood, Connie Stevens and Nancy Sinatra--all after his divorce from Prescilla Presley, of course.

"We've always dreamed of meeting Elvis. Is he in Palm Springs now?" we asked.

Chad paused for a moment and then said, "Why, yes! Yes he is. Elvis will be in Palm Springs until Friday!"

So, the next day--always up for an adventure--we drove off to Palm Springs. We planned to star gaze, relax, write and look up this close friend of Elvis Presley.

Chad's business card featured the name of a Swiss restaurant along with his name. We couldn't figure out if Chad was the manager or the owner of this Swiss eatery.

When we arrived in Palm Springs we checked into the Spa Hotel, took out our twin, matching turquoise-velvet string bikini bathing suits and called down to the front desk to find out where the Jacuzzi was located. We then dialed the Swiss Hut Haus Restaurant. The voice that answered was familiar--it was Chad! He had an unmistakable Memphis twang when he spoke.

"Hello, Chad?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"It's Jennie and Terrie, the twins you met at the screening of, The Great Texas Dynamite Chase in Hollywood, remember?"

"Oh yes! The twins!" Chad seemed excited. "Please, come down to my restaurant and be my guests for dinner. Where are you staying?"

"We're at the Spa Hotel."

"Good. Seven o'clock?"

"Fine. We'll see you at The Swiss Hut Haus, at 7:00 p.m."

Within fifteen minutes, just as we were about to head down to the Jacuzzi, there was a knock at the door of our hotel room.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Chad!"

We opened the door to a stranger and did a double take. Last night Chad looked so normal. Today, we gazed upon a character right out of central casting. He could have been an "extra" for the movie, The Sound of Music. Chad wore black patent leather shoes, white knee socks, leather lederhosen shorts, a white ruffled shirt with red embroidery and a hat with a foot-tall bird feather sticking straight up, now touching the door frame. The only thing missing was one of those twenty-foot horns used in a cough drop commercial.

"Chad? We didn't recognize you!" The man standing before us looked more like a waiter at a Schnitzel house than a member of the "Memphis Mafia."

"This is my work uniform for the restaurant," Chad said proudly. "We all dress like this. I'm in charge, so I get to wear this hat. The others have to wear smaller hats with smaller feathers. I'll just be a minute," he said as he ducked into the room in an effort to avoid knocking his hat off of his head. "I wanted to say hi in person."

Chad headed for a small table located in the corner of the room. His leather lederhosen creaked as he sat down. "I needed to see if you two are as stunning as I remembered. And I can see that you are! You've both obviously got what I call the Güttenta Factor." He bent his elbow and like Jack Nicholson in the movie Easy Rider, made a "yip yip" noise as he flapped his pretend wing.

"Thank you," we said in unison, as twins do. We didn't know what the Güttenta Factor meant exactly, but from Chad's behavior we figured this must be a good thing.

"Elvis likes attractive women." Chad said as his eyes darted back and forth between our identical twin navels.

"Who doesn't?" I said. We all laughed.

Chad cleared his throat and began to talk incessantly. He would ask a question, not wait for the answer and continue rambling. We couldn't get a word in edgewise. This was turning into a group therapy session except that Chad was talking and we were listening. The "group" didn't get to participate. Finally, Chad launched into a soliloquy about Elvis, one he'd obviously repeated again and again over the years.

"Everyone is my friend because of my friendship with Elvis," Chad whined. "Nobody likes me for me. People use me all the time. I'm sick and tired of people asking me to do them the favor of introducing them to Elvis."

"You don't have to introduce us to Elvis," I said. Terrie kicked me with the side of her foot. "But then again-"

"Oh, don't worry. I'll introduce you to Elvis--that is, if he doesn't have any other plans."

"Um, just how well do you know Elvis?" Terrie asked.

"Well, let's just say Elvis doesn't make a move without me."

"Then you must know Colonel Parker." (Everyone knew that Colonel Parker had managed Elvis from the beginning of his career.)

"Who's Colonel Parker?" Chad asked, as his brows furrowed.

"You don't know who Colonel Parker is?" I asked. I was in shock. I couldn't believe what we were hearing.

"I know a Fess Parker. He was an actor who used to play Davy Crockett on TV."

Terrie and I looked at each other. This man was beginning to scare us.

"Just kidding," Chad said. "Of course I know the Colonel. I had chicken there the other day." Chad said this with a straight face.

Now we were starting to panic. Either Chad had a really bad sense of humor, or we were in danger, alone with him in our hotel room.

Chad smiled and laughed to himself, then asked, "Wanna know a secret?" Without waiting for us to respond he continued, "Elvis and the guys have this signal we make to each other if someone is full of 'bull'." He then made a gesture like snow falling, wiggling his fingers as he brought his hands down.

"Interesting," we said as we nodded our heads. Terrie piped in, "We heard Elvis buys his friends white Cadillacs. Has he ever bought YOU one?"

"Has he? Elvis has bought me two Cadillacs--er, uh, and the Volkswagen bus I'm driving now!"

By now we were really shaken. Who was this stranger we allowed into our hotel room?

Chad then gave a big sigh and said, "Well, gotta go. See you at 7:00 p.m." As he walked out his hand clutched a gold necklace with a lightning bolt at his neck, he paused as if he was about to explain its' meaning, then decided not to. He instinctively ducked to clear his feathered hat through the door. Chad talked and laughed to himself as he disappeared down the hall.

Later in the Jacuzzi, our conversation revolved around Chad's ridiculous outfit and his strange behavior. Chad didn't know who Colonel Parker was? And Elvis bought Chad a VW bus? By now we were thinking Chad could be crazy. What if Chad was a serial killer? We couldn't believe Elvis would choose to be around this man for more than five minutes, much less have him as a personal pal.

We decided Chad wasn't the sharpest knife in the Ginsu blade collection. What had we gotten ourselves into? What were we doing? What if we met Chad tonight and he drove us off into the desert? Goodness knows what could happen!

By the time we were finished with our Jacuzzi, we had worked ourselves up into a paranoid frenzy, as twins do. We decided to take control of the situation. We called the Swiss Hut Haus restaurant and cancelled our reservation.

That evening we ordered dinner from room service and congratulated ourselves for holding firm and not getting involved with this strange person who pushed his way into our lives.

Just as we were enjoying our caramel-crusted flan and watching Elvis on TV in the movie, Follow That Dream, there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Terrie called out.

"It's me, Chad! I'm here to take you to meet Elvis!"

We looked at each other, rolled our eyes in unison and made that hand gesture to each other with the snow falling--the one that Chad said that he and Elvis and the guys do when someone is full of "bull."

"We're busy, Chad. Maybe another time," I said, as I turned the sound down on the Elvis movie.

"You don't understand. I told Elvis all about you. He's looking forward to meeting the beautiful Hollywood twins!"

"We're flattered, but we don't want to meet Elvis anymore."

"C'mon! Open the door!" Chad pleaded as he kicked at the door. "Elvis' driver is waiting with the limo downstairs."

"Don't get your lederhosen in a twist. We're just not up for a night with Elvis."

"What? I made special arrangements. Elvis is waiting for you now!"

"Uh, right, Chad. We'll take a rain check."

"But Elvis is leaving on Friday."

"Uh huh." We looked at each other, convinced we had made the right decision. God knows where this fruitcake would take us. "We'll meet Elvis another time, Chad." we winked at each other.

"Another time? Elvis is waiting for you NOW! He has a beautiful home not far from here."

"Right, we bet it's real nice."
"Elvis is expecting you. He has dinner ready. Maybe he'll serve his favorite, a Fool's Gold Loaf sandwich. It consists of a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly and lots of bacon!"

"Sounds good," Jennie said, as she stuck her tongue out and crinkled her nose. She then whispered, "Not."

I called out, "Too bad, we just ate."

"Open up, dammit! You're making a big mistake!"

"Look, mister. If you don't leave right now, we're calling the police," I said.

"Yeah," I whispered to Jennie, "The fashion police." We both giggled.

Chad's pleas and pounding on our door suddenly stopped.

We heard Chad walking down the hallway, mumbling to himself.

We sat down and tried in vain to concentrate on the Elvis movie. What if Chad comes back? we thought. We'd better get out of here. We quickly packed our bags and checked out of the hotel.

During the entire ride home to Los Angeles we congratulated each other.

"I'm proud of you for telling that guy off," I said to Jennie.

"No, you're the one," Jennie smiled. "You put him in his place!"

"Yeah, we sure told him!"

"He's not going to take advantage of US!"

"You're right about that. He'll think twice next time he pretends to be someone he's not."

"We're getting smarter and smarter!"

We patted each other on our backs all the way home to Los Angeles.

Shortly after this incident, I attended an Elvis Presley concert and sat third row center, up close and personal. I was enjoying the incredible performance--that famous one where Elvis is overweight and perspiring. What a show! For some unknown reason, my eyes drifted to the left side of the stage and there, standing in the wings, clear as day, with an orange backstage pass hanging from his neck, rocking out to the King's version of "Hunka, Hunka Burnin' Love", stood Chad.

Within a year, Elvis passed away from a heart attack at his home in Graceland on August 16th, 1977, at the age of forty-two! When Elvis died, we mourned along with the rest of the country. What an entertainer! What a super human! What jerks we were to have passed up such a golden opportunity.

We found out later that Elvis had an insatiable appetite for women. WHAT IF we'd gone to his house that evening? WHAT IF Elvis had wanted us to make love with him? WHAT IF... ? Whatever Elvis had in mind for us that night, most certainly, beyond a doubt, would have been a better ending to this story.

HOLLYWOOD LIFE LESSON: Don't rush to judgment when someone shows up at your door, claiming to know Elvis Presley, wearing leather lederhosen and a feathered hat.

Terrie Frankel is a writer and song writer. She is a New York Time best seller author ("Tells From the Casting Couch") and has written many songs. Her latest project is a film titled "Room Enough For Two - The Life of Dorothy Parker." It has recently been submitted to a few Film Festivals and she awaits their decision. She is a member of the Producers Guild of America, Grammys, and ASCAP to mention a few. You can visit her Dorothy Parker one woman musical website at http://www.dorothyparkermusical.com/. Terrie wrote all the music for the production and sings most of the songs. Terrie's favorite songs from the film is "Room Enough For Two" and "Fashionably Black List" (the later song being about Dorothy Parker's blacklist experience from her Hollywood screenwriting career due to the McCarthy hearings). She is currently working on her next book "Kiss Kiss Tell Tell" which should be completed shortly.