Cupids War

"Now they are building a prototype invisibility device, like things weren't difficult enough for me already! I will show them invisibility. Take That!"

George: What was that? How did the alarms get triggered? Move out! All non critical personnel vacate the research floor immediately.

Justin: What the heck just happened? The system is not responding to my instructions. Sam who is controlling the arms?

Sam: It's not me. The system is not responding to my commands either.

Justin: They are destroying the prototype. Sam do something.

Sam: The system has overrode all of us and is controlling the robotic arms directly.

George: Can you get it to stop or not? Else I will break the glass and stop the robotic arms myself.

Justin: It's too late. Don't bother.

Sam: What caused this a tremor, an earthquake, system malfunction...

George: It's an attack. I am sure they the sent a virus to destroy our research and prototype.

Justin: This is the European Centre for Advanced Scientific Research, not a national agency. Why would terrorists attack here?

George: Not just terrorists. It could be a country too like Russia or China or Iran, anyone. Call the U.N., we need to investigate and retaliate.

Sam: Look at the screen.

Justin: CUPID? What does CUPID mean?

George: It's a virus!!! It must stand for Commonly Undetected Potential Invisibility Destroyer.

Sam: Now its says No it's Cupid.

Justin: What does NO IT'S CUPID mean?

George: Nationally Organised-International Terrorist Sponsored-Commonly Undetected Potential Invisibility Destroyer. I knew it was a virus!

Justin: The whole office knows that your are from the defence establishment and have been sent here to study the military ramifications of our research. And this is not a military situation. So shut up George.

George: You shut up.

PA System: Yes, shut up George.

George: Good god, they have now managed to give their NOITSCUPID virus artificial intelligence too!

PA System: I am not a virus. I am Cupid.

Sam: Cupid who?

PA System: Cupid, the one who makes people fall in love.

Justin: What are you doing inside the PA System?

PA System: I am putting an end to technological cock blocking by destroying your invisibility device.

George: Ha, so you admit it!

Sam: We are not building technological cock blockers.

Justin: Cupid, the flying baby in a diaper who has wings and a bow and arrows? The mystical cupid?

PA System: Yes that Cupid. And it's a sexy sash, not a diaper.

Sam: Why did you destroy our system?

George: Who taught you how to do that? What are their capabilities?

Justin: How did you learn how to use a computer?

PA System: I am in the business of love. And with all the online dating these days I had to learn to keep up with the times.

Sam: Why did you destroy our invisibility prototype? Now we will not get any more grants.

George: They are monitoring us through online dating websites, must inform Interpol and the UN.

Justin: What does the business of love have to do with the invisibility device?

PA System: Because advances in science and technology have made my work difficult enough as it is and this invention would have been the final nail in the coffin.

Sam: We were not building nails or coffins.

George: They plan to nail us inside coffins! Over my dead body!

Justin: How is science and technology interfering with love and dating?

PA System: How often do you see people fall in love these days?

Sam: Not very often.

Justin: That's just the modern lifestyle. Not everyone wants or has time for love.

George: So they hate our lifestyles, is that the cause behind their attacks?

PA System: Science, not modern lifestyle is to blame. My success rate over the past two decades has been dipping due to this. The process of love is being blocked. Damned cock blocking science.

Sam: What is the process of love?

George: Shouldn't we turn off the alarm and call back the others now?

Justin: How is the process of love being blocked?

PA System: Ah the process of love, first I need to envision two people as a couple when they are around each other. Then I need to shoot an arrow at each of their hearts, if both the arrows hit the mark then the couple will develop feelings for each other, if either of the arrows miss then they will not feel anything romantic for each other. And I do not get more than one chance at each couple.

Sam: Your poor results are due to an arbitrary and whimsical process.

George: Shoot arrows at our heart! What kind of third world terrorism is this?

Justin: Yeah, don't blame science for your process failures.

PA System: The process has been working fine for eons. Have you ever tried shooting a magic arrow at some ones heart through breast implants or peck implants? Why I even tinkered with the process to aim at places other than the heart - face, neck, shoulders, stomach, hips, groin, thighs, calves, feet but to no avail. Tell me of one place where I can shoot an arrow these days without fear of running into botox or plastic surgery?

Sam: How about the back?

George: Shoot us in the back, why the cowards!

Justin: Are you saying that magic arrows are rendered useless by botox and plastic surgeries?

PA System: Cupid cannot stoop so low as to shoot someone in the back.

Sam: Or how about a more effective instrument than a bow and arrow?

George: Like a sword or club or a knuckle duster? Or maybe something modern like a taser or a gun?

Justin: Again not a military situation George. Shut up.

PA System: Use a different instrument. What do you people think this is? There are regulations to be followed. Jeez!

Sam: I was just trying to help.

George: Guided missiles now they never miss a mark.

Justin: Just hold on a second there. As a Particle Physicist I am willing to entertain the possibility that you might exist. Even so there are other queries that come to mind, such as how things from the real world like botox and plastic surgery are affecting imaginary magic arrows? Or how if you can be advanced enough to shut down our computer system then how come you cannot have more effective modern instruments?

PA System: Don't you understand? The arrow being stopped by silicone and botox is a metaphor for how appearance conscious everyone has become these days, because of which no one is falling in love.

Sam: I fall in love with good looking people all the time.

George: I am going to call back the other people.

Justin: You are still not making sense.

PA System: Let me explain. Nowadays men and women both undergo cosmetic procedures to look better. And as a result there are many more good looking people now than in the earlier times. This makes everyone feel that they should only go out with someone good looking, no one is interested in a normal or average looking person. Normal looking people want good looking people, good looking people want better looking people, who want even more... You see the cycle continues and science is to be blamed for this.

Sam: But what does any of this have to do with our invisibility device?

PA System: Because if and when you succeed, the device will eventually be mass produced. I am already having a hard time making people fall in love because they don't like what they see. What chance would I possibly stand in a world where people are appearance conscious and also move about invisibly? Do you have any idea how difficult it would make things for me?

Justin: That sounds ridiculous.

PA System: Ridiculous, that is the appearance conscious world which you live in...

Tring! Tring!! TRING!!! TRING!!!!

Sam: wo.. huh... 6.15 am. It was a dream invisibility... appearance...

It was all just a dream. A message from by sub conscious not to be appearance conscious. Today I will not care what she thinks and ask out the hot day time receptionist at the office and if she doesn't respond positively I will finally agree and give in to the advances of the homely night time receptionist.